ppemberton

I have to admit, some Queen songs really irritate the crap out of me – particularly the ones that sound like show choir tunes (“Don’t Stop Me”) or the ones that just plain suck (“Flash”).

That said, the English band wrote two of the best songs in the history of rock music.

Bohemian Rhapsody is a remarkably innovative tune, featuring three distinct parts, intriguing lyrics and a rockin’ ending. Meanwhile, We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions is the greatest anthem rock song ever created, played before millions of sports fans worldwide.

My Grudge opponent, Danny, is a huge Queen fan. In fact, Queen is his favorite band, which makes it more fun for me to set him straight on Queen.

You see, he says that “Bohemian Rhapsody” is the band’s most awesome song. I say, “Danny . . . “ Then I make that tsk, tsk noise and – as condescendingly as I can – I add: “Little, misguided but once again wrong Danny . . .”

Then I tell him what’s what.

Before I set forth my argument, let’s get something important out of the way: “Rock You/Champions” is one song.

Yeah, I know – technically, they were on separate sides of the single. But have you ever heard anyone play one without the other? It just wouldn’t sound right. If you heard “We Will Rock You” and the radio, and it just ended without “We Are the Champions,” you’d be like, “Hey – what’s the deal?” Then you’d call the station and demand to have the idiot DJ fired.

So we’re going to treat the two as one – as they should be.

Now here’s why I think “Rock You/Champions” is the better song:

• 1.)    It was one of the first records I ever owned. Yeah, I know – not much of an argument. But I’m sentimental like that. So deal.
• 2.)    Because most of “Rock You” features Freddie Mercury singing over stomping and clapping and nothing else. Can you imagine songwriter Brian May saying, “How about we have you sing just over stomping and clapping?” I would argue that nobody else in the history of music had ever considered that before.
• 3.)    “We Will Rock You” is easy to play. Even if you don’t know how to play an instrument, all you have to do is stomp and clap – something people have done at sporting events for three decades.
• 4.)    Brian May’s guitar solo. Of course, May has a very distinctive sound. But it’s best parlayed here. I especially love the two scratches near the end of “We Will Rock You.” In fact, every time that part comes, I make a little scratching sound with my voice.
• 5.)    Mercury’s vocals. With nothing but clapping and stomping through much of the song, Mercury had little to hide behind, showing how truly talented he was. 
• 6.)    As Mercury once said, it’s a song for winners. I don’t know how many times my friends and I sang “We Are the Champions” while playing sports in my backyard. But it was the perfect way to rub it in when you crushed your friends.

Danny

Once again, Pat – ignorant man child that he is – has handed me a Grudge Match victory on a silver platter.  I mean, come on, We Will Rock You/We are the Champions (which are two separate songs, no matter how Pat tries to spin it) are great, but no song has ever, nor will ever been able to stand up to the powerhouse that is Bohemian Rhapsody.

Pat has jabbered on about how Rock You’s vocals stand out because all there is to listen to other than that is stomping and clapping, and that may be so, but I would argue that the vocals in Bohemian Rhapsody stand out equally as much in spite of the rich backing.  Seriously Pat, have you ever even heard the song?  You give the guitar solo in Rock You as a reason that the song is better than Bohemian Rhapsody.  Really Pat?  Really??  Yeah, it’s great, but Bohemian Rhapsody great?  You just lost the argument right there.

Just for fun though, here are my reasons that Rhapsody beats Rock You/Champions:

1. I once learned to play the piano part for Bohemian Rhapsody, just so that my band could perform it.  Ten years later, the song remains the only song I can play on piano.  Hey, if Pat gets to be sentimental, so do I.
2. Bohemian Rhapsody tells a story.  We will Rock You and We are the Champions merely state an intent and an opinion.  Bohemian Rhapsody teaches us that if you shoot someone, scary opera singers will yell at you and condemn you to death.
3. Queen made one of the first ever music videos for Bohemian Rhapsody.  And it’s awesome.
4. You know the operatic part in the middle, the one with the huge choir?  Not a huge choir.  That’s just Mercury, May and Taylor overdubbed 180 times.
5. Oh, and that insanely high note at the end of the operatic part?  B-flat in the sixth octave.  Pat talks about Rock You’s impressive vocals, but seriously, you can’t beat that.
6. Bohemian Rhapsody is the only song to have been Christmas #1 in the UK on two separate occasions, once in 1975, and again when the song was rereleased with These Are the Days of Our Lives in 1991, following Mercury’s death.
7. Wayne’s World.  Can you listen to the “metal” part of the song without head banging?  Of course not.
8. There’s a gong in it.  Gongs are awesome.

Really Pat, considering your blog is a celebration of (among other things) music, I expected you to be able accurately compare two songs.  For some reason, I also expected you to be able to count to two, I guess my mistake there was in thinking you “editorial” types know how to count.

Since the song really speaks for itself, I’ll just end my argument there, and waste some more of your time with this alternate music video.