Grudge Match: Sean Connery vs. Rod Stewart
Last week, our beloved, yet misguided Pat came to my desk to express his excitement that Rod Stewart was coming to the fair. He looked at me with his innocent little face, his eyes gleaming with wonderment and expectation. I almost couldn’t do it, but in the end I managed to muster my response.
“Meh.”
The transformation was astounding. Pat’s expression changed from one of friendly camaraderie to outright hostility. “You don’t like Rod Stewart? How can you not like him, he’s a fellow Scot!”
And it’s true, I don’t like Rod Stewart. He annoys me, sorry Pat. Pat immediately challenged me to a Grudge Match pitting Rod Stewart against any other Scot of my choosing. Of course, my mind started racing as to who I should pick, I mean, by default Scots start at a higher level of awesomnecity than any other nationality, so the choice was a difficult one. In the end though, I selected Sean Connery, because I don’t like to leave anything to chance, and seriously, who could ever hope to beat the mighty Sean?
It’s a foregone conclusion, right? I mean I even thought about just putting myself up against Rod Stewart, check out these stats comparing us:
| Rod Stewart | Danny |
| Stupid hair | Less stupid hair |
| Still breast feeding | Eats solid food exclusively |
| Washed up old has been | Never was |
| Older than Jesus | Not as old as Jesus |
See? Even I am more awesome than Rod Stewart. But no one has ever heard of me, which is why I have selected Sean Connery to battle in my place. Yes, I know he’s even older than Rod Stewart, but I’ll forgive him that because, well, he’s Sean Connery.
Since we already know enough reasons that Rod Stewart is lame, let’s just concentrate on why Sean is awesome. For starters he played James Bond better than anyone else, I’ll hear no arguments to that. Everyone else is just pretending, Sean is bond. More impressive, he managed to play a Spanish immortal and a Russian submarine captain using the same (Scottish) accent, and no one had the guts to question him.
In the end, even Pat himself admits that Rod Stewart is merely, OK, while Sean Connery is, and always will be awesome.
Okay, first of all, a little qualifier:
Rod Stewart isn’t really that Scottish.
I mean, yeah, his parents and all of his siblings were born in Scotland. So that makes him kind of, sort of Scottish. Quasi-Scottish, if you will. But the dude was born and raised in England, which – last I heard, from Wikipedia – was NOT in Scotland.
But, really, there are so few Scots of note – aside from, say, Sheena Easton and Groundskeeper Willie from “The Simpsons” – that the people from Scotland desperately try to claim him as their own. Otherwise, their most famous people would be Craig Ferguson and some guy who calls himself Mr Egg.
So Danny really should be a huge Rod Stewart fan. Because even though Rod Stewart isn’t really Scottish, he’s clearly the most talented Scot of them all – one that does his country* proud.
Now Danny will resort to all sorts of cheap tactics, like, for instance, linking a photo of Stewart supposedly breast feeding. Obviously, if you look at that picture closely, you can see that our good Rod is simply performing a routine examination of his wife’s, ah –
Well, forget that rubbish. At least, Stewart doesn’t beat his wife, which apparently is something Sean Connery likes to do in his spare time.
But this isn’t a political campaign, so I’ll refrain from negative attacks and take the high road. Which, in this case, leads directly to “Maggie May,” one of the greatest rock songs ever written. Great lyrics, classical guitar, raw vocals, -- it’s got it all.
And whose song is it?
Hint: not Sean Connery’s.
But Stewart isn’t like Scottish band Garbage. He actually has LOTS of hits. To name a few: “You Wear It Well,” “Hot Legs,” “Tonight’s the Night,” “”Stay With Me,” “You’re In My Heart” – I could on go on and on and on. But suffice it to say that the Scots LOVE Rod Stewart.
Except for Danny, who, therefore, must not be a real Scot.
Like Rod Stewart, actually.
* England
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NayNay - Sean could shake me and stir me any time!!!
Danny - Rod Stewart should be praised for wanting to be Scottish. He can't help the fact that he was born . as sitonit2 says "south of the border". Pure 100% Scots start at a higher awesomnecity than any other nationality... Rod just wants to be one!! We can't all be perfect....
Sean is awesomnecity to the highest extreme and would win the battle of the wrinklies any time.
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Pat, really... put Sean Connery next to just about anything else in the world - person, place, or thing; noun, adjective, or verb; animal, vegetable or mineral - and I'd bet he'd win hands down for a lot of people (okay, maybe just a lot of women... but, come on guys, you know you love him, too). You've been served (or chosen) a lot of bad arguments, but I think this one really takes the cake. There's no way you're winning this week. Sean Connery's just the best. Danny could have won this one simply by saying, "Hello, he's Sean Connery," and then not submitting anything else.
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The best thing about Sean Connery is Celebrity Jeopardy:
Alex Trebek - The only month beginning with "Feb."
Connery - 'Febtober.'Connery: "Moo."
Trebek: "No."
Connery: "Well that's the sound your mother made last night."'I'll take 'The-rapists' for $200."
"I'll take the 'Pen-is Mightier' for $200."OK, I could go on and on and on.
And, while I admit I have absolutely no taste in music, Rod Stewart was awesome at the fair! He even, ahem, referred to himself as "The Rodenator" during the concert-opening video.
So he forgot the song order once, and he may be older than Jesus, as Danny said, but he was still rockin'!
And for anyone doubting his Scottishness, you should have witnessed the kilt-wearing bagpipe players strolling through the Grandstand before Rod went on.
Still have no idea why they were there.
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Rod Stewart was cool once. Once.
Sean Connery, on the other hand, continues to be cool in pretty much everything he does. He and Michael Caine are the old lions of the British Empire, fo sho.
Frankly, if there was an option to vote for the band Garbage, I'd vote for them. But there isn't, so Sean Connery it is!
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Sean Connery must win just because Rod the Mod was born in England. It's a well known fact his dad was Scottish but poor Rod was born south of the border.
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I mean, yeah, his parents and all of his ancestors were built-in in Scotland. So that makes him affectionate of testinside 642-845, array of Scottish. Quasi-Scottish, if you will. But the dude was built-in and aloft in England, which – endure I heard, from Wikipedia – was NOT in Scotland testinside 640-553. But, really, there are so few Scots of agenda – abreast from, say, Sheena Easton and Groundskeeper Willie from “The Simpsons” – that the humans from Scotland badly try to affirmation him as their own. Otherwise testinside 642-524, their a lot of acclaimed humans would be Craig Ferguson and some guy who calls himself Mr Egg. So Danny absolutely should be a huge Rod Stewart fan. Because even admitting Rod Stewart isn’t absolutely Scottish testinside 70-236, he’s acutely the a lot of accomplished Scot of them all – one that does his country* proud.
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And it’s true, I don’t like Rod Stewart. He annoys me, sorry Pat. Pat immediately challenged me to a Grudge Match pitting Rod Stewart against any other Scot of my choosing. Of course, my mind started racing as to who I should pick, I mean, by default Scots start at a higher level of awesomnecity than any other nationality, so the choice was a difficult one. In the end though, I selected Sean Connery, because I don’t like to leave anything to chance, and seriously, who could ever hope to beat the mighty Sean? Flyg till London
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I think people will always love Sean Connery because Sean is always considered to be the original 007-James Bond. It is his acting in the James Bond movies that really made these movie so famous and iconic.
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chrissy said,
Tue, 08/05/2008 - 1:24am -
OK, so, I just have to say: I CAN'T STAND ROD STEWART. Like, at all. And not just because he's ugly and old and has lame hair and sings crappy songs, although that's all true. What I dislike most about Rod Stewart is his name. Rod. Ugh, makes me shudder just typing it.
I couldn't care less about Sean Connery, so my vote isn't so much in favor of him as it is vehemently against Rod Stewart.
Danny, I can't believe you linked to that "breast-feeding" photo. Gross.