Grudge match: Michael Jackson vs. Tom Cruise
Pat and I are back from our (separate) vacations this week just in time to start another exciting round of Grudge Match. This week we’re pairing up two celebrities who were once at the absolute top of their fields, but screwed it all up by being, well, completely and utterly insane. I give you Michael Jackson vs. Tom Cruise.
OK, so I think we can all agree that both these guys have hurt their own careers with their eccentricities, the question here is, who’s legacy has been tarnished least? Which one would you consider the lesser of two evils?
For me, that has to be Michael Jackson. OK, sure he’s been having a little trouble paying his bills, and he (allegedly) molests children. He’s also managed to physically transform himself from a stylish, trend-setting icon into a bizarre freak of nature. Somehow, he has managed to go from the King of Pop into some sort of (alleged) child molesting monster.
Still, he made Bad, and Smooth Criminal and Thriller.
Tom Cruise hasn’t made anything with the impact that MJ has. He seduced some squinty eyed girl just by saying “hello”, took advantage of his autistic brother and, I dunno, flew an airplane. You know what else he did? He kidnapped poor Katie Holmes and forced her to join his (alleged) cult of utterly insane people, despite being (allegedly) gay. He also made a mess of poor Oprah’s couch.
OK, so he (allegedly) hasn’t molested any children, but he didn’t make Thriller, either.
That’s about all I have to say on the subject, so I am going to leave you with this clip, which while it doesn’t help my cause, is just far too funny to leave out.
Just remember, Thriller > Top Gun, therefore Michael Jackson > Tom Cruise. The math is simple.
Well, once again Danny has a few things right and many, many more things wrong.
What’s right: Michael Jackson has some great songs under his belt. In fact, I’d agree that “Thriller” is a terrific album – one of the greatest of all time.
I mean, seriously. Forget about the big hits – your “Beat Its” and your “Billie Jeans,” for example. You’ve also got “P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing),” “Wanna Be Startin’ Something” and my favorite, “Human Nature,” to name a few.
But the thing is, Michael Jackson’s legacy was pretty much based on that one great album.
Oh yeah, “Off the Wall” before it was pretty good. And “Bad” had some good tunes. And let’s not forget the jamming Jackson 5 catalogue.
Good stuff, all of it.
But still. Michael Jackson would never have been a megastar without “Thriller.” And after that album, his career began to fade.
Can anyone name two songs from the “Dangerous” album?
So even before the molestation allegations forever smeared his reputation, the Gloved One’s stature as the King of Pop was shrinking faster than his surgically altered nose.
Now Tom Cruise certainly has had PR problems of his own. His little anti-psychiatry debate with Brooke Shields was just the beginning. Then there was the argument with Matt Lauer. And then the whole Katie Holmes thing, climaxing with his decision to employ Oprah’s couch as a piece of playground equipment.
Weird, yes. But did it hurt his career?
Hardly. He’s still acting in blockbuster movies with big-time stars like Robert Redford (the upcoming “Lions for Lambs”). And anyone who thinks Cruise can’t act ought to watch “Magnolia.”
You may not like him, but you can’t deny he’s got the goods.
Michael Jackson? He had the goods. Now he’s just pathetic.
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Wow, boys. You've really undone yourselves with this grudge match.
Picking a champion is difficult here, given the extreme craziness of both celebrities and the steep depths to which each has fallen.
Tom Cruise is more financially solvent and has a more stable societal status, even if his stock has fallen somewhat due to his infatuation with Scientology. The Gloved One's numerous court trials, meanwhile, have made him a social pariah.
If you're asking me which nutso star has had the greater (positive) influence on American pop culture, however, I think I still have to go with good ol' surgical-mask-wearing, baby-dangling, chimp-owning Michael Jackson.
Tom Cruise has made some likeable, if forgettable, movies, such as "Top Gun" and "Risky Business."
His better roles have always those opposite superior actors -- Dustin Hoffman in "Rainman," for instance, or Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men." Why does Cruise excel in "Magnolia," Pat? Because he's playing HIMSELF -- an arrogant jerkwad with no shortage of mental health issues.
Jackson's successes -- "Thriller," "Bad," "Billy Jean," "Beat It," the Jackson Five, the moon walk -- easily outshine Cruise's.
They may both be creeps, but Jackson will always be hailed as a talented singer, dancer and entertainer -- no matter how many kids he allegedly invites over to sleepovers.
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Did I miss "Lions for Lambs"?
Shoot. Well, I'm sure it was terrific. In fact, let me check the Rotten Tomatoes rating. Hold on . . .
(pause)
Okay, well, it got a 28 percent rating, which is, well -- not a terrible batting average in baseball. But, hey, what do critics know? After all, these were the guys that hated "Ishtar." Snobs!
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Tom Cruise really isn't that crazy. I mean what did he do? Jump on a couch on Oprah, argue with Brook Shields and Matt Lauer, and, you know, act a little bizarre here and there. But overexposure has done him in more than anything. He didn't bring much of it on himself. Michael Jackson on the other hand used to be called "The King of Pop," but alas, no more. I mean the whole dangling baby thing and all for starters. Come on. On the other hand, who is the King of Pop now? Justin Timberlake? Usher? Fitty? Gwen Stefani? It's kind of like when Ali quit boxing. Nobody ever quite replaced him. And maybe nobody ever will.
KT1980 said,
Mon, 07/21/2008 - 11:20pm -
Ok Pat, two things - Will You Be There and Black or White. I'm not even a MJ fan, and I knew that. Also, did I read that right? The "upcoming" Lions for Lambs you say? Didn't that come out last year and totally bomb? However, you make a great point about his performance in Magnolia. My all time favorite movie scene comes from that film
But, really, it's more like choosing the lesser of two crazies - a couch jumper vs a baby dangler. I think I'm going to have to go with Michael Jackson on this one. I've had three babies and one serious case of postpartum depression. Although Tom Cruise has since apologized for his comments on the topic, it seriously ticked me off when he made them. Plus, I took it quite personally when he tried to change his child bride's name, saying, “Katie is a young girl’s name. Her name is Kate now she’s a child-bearing woman.”
I'm sure I'm not the only mother named Katie who wanted to give him a slap for that comment.