jhoeger

Face it, "Iron Man" rocks. And the superhero named after the song? He rocks, too!

You think the Hulk can stand up to him? No way, especially not in terms of box-office take. And besides, Iron Man has a special suit of Hulkbuster armor. Guess what it does? So yeah, the Hulk's out. It'll probably make him angry to hear the news, and you wouldn't blah blah blah when he's blah blah.
Whatever.

Bruce Banner's no contest, either ‹ sure, he's real smart, but so is Tony Stark, who has the advantages of a massive fortune and an entire corporate infrastructure at his disposal. His main weakness is alcohol, but I don't think the Hulk ever offered anyone a drink.

Now, that other Bruce ‹ the Wayne one ‹ yeah, Batman might give Iron Man some trouble. He's a crafty guy. He's roughly as rich and powerful as Stark in his day life, with the Wayne Corp. at his back. His most trusted aide isn't as cute as Pepper Potts, but he's an uber-competent fellow in his own right.

If I didn't have to pick a side, I'd say the two of them would pummel each other into a standstill, call a truce and have a drink ‹ or a few. Then Batman would truss him up and hang him from the ceiling of the Batcave. But I do have to pick a side ‹ I'm the Iron Man-vocate in this little contest.
So let's ditch the cheap vodka solution and go with the gadgets.

I hate to say it, having been a Batman fan since I was a lad, but Iron Man would whup Batman's traumatized, introverted butt. Like Batman, Stark has engineered his own selection of tools and weapons, his own costume, his own ways of getting around. Unlike Batman, Stark has built them to take buildings apart or smash through army battalions or conquer world-threatening thingies. Bruce Wayne is focused on detective work, stealth, escape and close combat with relatively normal people (the Joker's crazy, but he doesn't have super strength).

Batman versus Iron Man is like ninja versus main battle tank. Ninjas are great and all (they totally trounce pirates), but this is a battle I'm pretty sure Stark would win.

Unless Batman brings his tricked-out riot-tank Batmobile. Then all bets are off.

slinn

Sorry, Justin. Batman already HAS a tank. It’s called the Batmobile.
All kidding aside, any battle between Batman, Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk is going to be a clash of the titans.

Let’s start with the Hulk – a mean, green monster that can smash most superheroes into jelly.

He’s big. Nasty. And rather moody.

In fact, the Hulk is kind of like a herd of rampaging rhinoceri – powerful, yes, but difficult to control. Not a good quality for a firefight.

That leaves the Tin Man and the Dark Knight.

It’s easy to see parallels between Iron Man and Batman.

They love the night life. They love the ladies. They love armored suits.

And they absolutely LOVE building gadgets that have almost no relevance to daily life. (Ever used a Batarang to open a can of beans? My advice is, “Don’t.”)

In terms of alter-egos, Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne are both rich, powerful guys who struggle with personal demons.

For Tony, it’s guilt and alcoholism. Bruce has a whole mess of psychological problems, starting with murdered parents and the fact he’s responsible for most of Gotham’s costumed freaks.

Put simply, he’s bat-poop insane.

Do you really want to go against a crazy man?  

I’ll break down the rest of the argument:

• Brains: Iron Man may be a MIT-trained genius, but the World’s Greatest Detective is hardly a slouch in the brains department. Besides, he’s got a butler (Alfred) and a business-savvy technology expert (Lucius Fox) helping him out.
• Brawn: Once you get Tony Stark out of his armor, he resembles Oscar-winner Robert Downey Jr. And Batman? He looks more like 6-foot-1, 200-pound Christian Bale. No contest.
• Firepower: Iron Man definitely leads in this category. Don’t discount The Bat, however. He’s got weapons, vehicles and a super-cool secret lair. Plus, he fights dirty.
• Perseverance: If the countless Batman movies, TV shows and graphic novels are any indication, Batman is a dude who takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
  The guy’s got more “work ethic” in one glove-clad pinky than Iron Man has in his entire suit.
  While Tony Stark’s nursing his umpteenth hangover and playing “Pacman” with his chauffeur, guess who’s out patrolling Gotham City? Batman, that’s who!

Game. Set. Match.

sean

There is no question that Shell head and the Dark Knight are intelligent, rich, savvy warriors who could hand most opponents their spandex on a Old Country Buffet style dinner plate.
Heck, I remember when the Batman NEARLY beat the X-men to a standstill by himself in the Access mini-series. I remember when Iron Man NEARLY beat Death's Head. I remember when Brave Sir Robin NEARLY stood up to the vicious chicken of Bristol. I remember when the Hulk DID catch a mountain range on his back to prevent it from smashing his comrades to little bits, one of whom was, oddly enough, Iron Man.

The issue my friends, is going to ultimately come down to brute strength. The scenario I see playing out is one where Iron Man and the Batman (working together, no less!!!) attempt to capitalize on their smaller size, gadgetry, and raw fire power to pierce the Hulk's Achilles Heel. As batarang after repulsor blast roll off the monster's hide, his annoyance with the puny humans reaches a feverish crescendo, as does his gamma fueled strength, which would make Superman's knees knock. The error the Golden Avenger and the Dark Knight make is that they assume the Hulk is slow and dumb, when the opposite is true. At this point, all that is required is the Hulk's PINKY FINGER to catch the Batman upside the head as he attempts to dodge the monster's fist, shattering his oh so intelligent melon.

After seeing his companion fall, the shocked Iron Man pauses, only for a moment, but that moment is all the dexterous Hulk needs to seize him by the ankle, and pound him into the bedrock like a sardine can, much like he did to Wolverine in a memorable issue of WHAT IF?. With the Hulk this angry, Stark's armor is the equivalent of tin foil.

So the Hulk rules and will continue to rule, until a goatee Hulk from a parallel universe steals his show.