ppemberton

When the governor of California dropped by the office last week, it got me thinking -- not so much about whether the voters of California should support a rainy day fund.

Blah.

The first thought that came to my mind was: Didn’t that Terminator dude kick royal ass?

Needless to say, this week’s Grudge Match had to involve Arnie in some way. And Terminator v. Predator seemed like a good match.

In the Terminator series, Schwarzenegger is a cyborg who either tries to destroy humankind or save it, depending on which part of the future we’re talking about. The Predator, like the first Terminator, wants to kill us all, except Arnie is there – this time as a human -- to save us.

Does that make sense? That’s okay -- neither does the state budget. Which is why we’re going to ignore boring politics and instead talk about why the Terminator kicks Predator butt:

• Local connections. The Pescadero State Hospital, where Sarah Connor is found in “T2,” was based on the Atascadero State Hospital. Parts of Schwarzenegger’s “Commando” was filmed at San Simeon. And finally, Schwarzenegger’s #1 foe from “Pumping Iron,” Lou Ferrigno, lives in Pismo.

I realize this is a cheap point, but, come on, Atascadero – this one’s for you!

• Terminator has not one, but two great catch phrases: “Hasta la vista, baby” and “I’ll be back.” Predator: Zippo. I say if you’re going to be a murderous alien, you should at least come up with something clever to say. Unless, like, you’re a big dumb alien.
• Predator cheated by becoming invisible. I mean, yeah, who can’t avoid bullets if they’re invisible? I say only little girls hide, Predator. Man up.
• The guy who played the Predator was the same dude who played the loveable Harry from “Harry and the Hendersons.” How badass could Predator be?
• “Alien v. Predator.” Need I say more? Okay, “Alien v. Predator – Requiem.”
• In the original “Predator,” Schwarzenegger, playing an Army commando, kicks the Predator’s ass. So if the human Arnie can whup Predator, imagine what the cyborg Arnie – with his metal skeleton -- could do to him.
• The Terminator had a badass song – “Bad to the Bone.” Predator? Nothing. If he did have one, it’d probably be by Justin Timberlake or some other wuss.

I think that pretty well sums it up. You can read Danny’s blather if you want. Or you can vote for Terminator now and watch Arnie say Hasta la vista, baby over and over again.

Danny

Wow Pat, that’s the best you could come up with?  Songs and catchphrases?  Come on.

OK, so yes, the Terminator is undoubtedly cool.  Motorcycle-riding, leather jacket-wearing cyborgs really can’t fail at being awesome, no one is disputing that.  But can you really say that dreadlocked alien hunters aren’t also awesome?  No, I didn’t think so.

There are really two options to consider here.  Are we talking about what would happen should a Terminator be fighting a Predator, or are we distinguishing which we’d be more worried about if they were to be hunting us?

Let’s take the first of those arguments into consideration first, shall we?  The Terminator is a robotic assassin designed to target and kill humans in an effort to eradicate us from the planet.  The thing is, the Predator isn’t human, not even close.  We don’t even know if the Terminator’s programming could handle alien species, for all we know, looking at the Predator would cause a system overload, and fry the poor T-800’s neural-net processor or whatever.  The Predator is a hunter from a highly advanced alien civilization; Predator’s hunt for sport and hence always arrive to a fight well prepared with the right weapons for the job.  The shoulder mounted cannon the Predator has would certainly put some dents in the metal endoskeleton, and that’s just weaponry we know about.  Who’s to say the Predator doesn’t have some high-tech gadgetry designed specifically to melt futuristic robots?

We can probably negate the Predator’s invisibility, since the T-800 has heat vision, but the agility of the Predator vs. the Terminator coupled with the Predator’s ability to adapt to its surroundings would surely make it a formidable foe.

Now, if we’re looking at it from the standpoint of who would you least like to have coming after you, well, to me that’s pretty simple.  If a Terminator is hunting you down, and you see Arnold Schwarzenegger around, you run as fast as you can, and have a good chance of escaping at least for a while, and once he caught you (which he probably would), it’d be a quick and painless execution.  You’d never know if a Predator was looking for you, you’d just end up skinned alive and decapitated.  Scary.

Finally, let’s not forget that the Terminator appears to be afraid of camcorders.  I’m sure that’s a fatal weakness the Predator could exploit.